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Initial Overview:

A fire of unknown origin took my baby away...

Notes:

S1E12 FAITH

• Betraying natural order
• Fear of what they'll do for family
• Dean applies monstrous status to Sam for B.N.O.Betrayal of the natural order. Never applies same logic to himself.
• (Role) model shatters, completely without guidance.

There's a bad moon on the rise... Sam, alone, threatens to kill truck demon with Colt. Attention given to horror of possessed man -- "Did I do this?"

Dean is a ghost. Zero agency in his fate, unheard, unseen, believed in only by Sam. Cannot contact world except for in moments of strong emotion (anger, fear).

Knows he is not able to contact waking world but tries with Sam anyway. Believes Sam should be able to hear him (& maybe thinks he does) and keeps speaking fruitlessly.

Sam repeats a phrase Dean said as a ghost.

SamJohn

• John "cares" more about revenge (at least as far as Sam knows) than Dean.
• John's omission and witholding of information severely impacts how the boys, mostly Sam, see him.
• Sam wants answers from John regardless, specifically about his guilt ("did I really kill Mom & Jess?) but John cannot absolve, only create
• John does not do much to dissuade Sam's perception of him. In his drive to self sacrifice it doesn't matter.
• Dean hears this entire argument and doubts John immediately.

Sam: "If there's only one working part it's good enough." Pushes to salvage impala. Bobby reveals John's true intentions.

Dean begs John to help him.

• Same obscurity leads Dean to believe God has abandoned him. Only wants to heal so he can continue fighting in the SRQ.
• O god, why have you forsaken me? Has my service not been worthy of your love? → "Aren't you gonna say anything?"

Reaper first appears directly off this scene. Dean keeps yelling for help even though he knows nobody can hear him.

Dean is more focused on reaper than SamJohn argument. Sam continues narrative, openly accuses John of revenge over family (or, now, over Dean). John takes it as the personal insult it is, ignoring actual matter of Sam's argument to prove an emotional point. Dean breaks glass to get them to stop (!!! ANGRY) & immediately starts dying because of it (holy allegory Batman!).

Dean would be willing to succumb if Sam & John weren't there. By putting him in the position to see their reactions he is significantly more willing to fight for:

• his life, sure, but more importantly,
• Redemption (what did I do?)
• Obedience (I need back in the fight)
• Sam

You can tell he genuinely thinks he deserves to live...

Sam hears him yelling at reaper. Dean still speaking like he can be heard

TESSA

• Me when I have to beg women to save me and they do but my dad doesn't know I need to be saved
• Dean immediately assumes responsiblity for her
• Chosen form specifically for this reason
• Tries to convince on basis of inevitable fate
• "At least she's not suffering any more"
• "It's my sandbox. I can make you see whatever I want."
• Drives home lack of agency

John promises Sam not to hunt Azazel until Dean heals. Sam doesn't seem to believe him.

Dean thinks he has agency in his fate. Funny guy

Sam uses Ouja board to communicate with Dean. "Thanks for not giving up on me, Sammy." (John, in Dean's eyes, has). → childish. Dean immediately uses board to talk about the hunt-- "you can't kill death."

Sam as a last ditch effort thinks John will know what to do, takes his journal

John has gone off to kill himself. Is concieveably doing it for Dean, but self-sacrifice is inherently selfish...

Azazel is patronizing.

Dean does not hear Sam begging him to stay. "I'll keep trying as long as you keep fighting. We were just starting to be brothers again."

Dean does not want to die... → he must keep being the good little soldier for his family. Only the threat of staying and becoming trapped into vengeance/becoming a monster gives him pause.

Azazel hints at Sam's bloodline. Takes several digs at John's secret-keeping from the boys.

So what if you decided you wanted to escape but your dad said No. And you are robbed of a choice you never had in the first place. Dean:

• Die
• Become a monster
• Live at the price of John (and take his predetermined place...)

Dean doesn't remember being a ghost. Has a feeling something is wrong.

John reqeusts not to fight with Sam. Refuses blame. The "best he could" was not enough. Drags himself under the porch to yelp and die like an old dog after doing the literal worst thing of all fucking time. Sorry. I hate him so much for this

John Winchester: Hey Dean. Thanks for being my therapist from ages 4-27. My bad for making you do that (John does apologize for parentifying Dean! Unfortunately,) but you were lowkey good as fuck at it and you should be proud of that. So I'm gonna do it one more time by sharing a secret that will forever alter the way you see your brother and I, turning Sam into a ticking time bomb and placing it in your hands. Now I'm going to bite it and die forever. Good luck!

Confirming his belief that John died to save him. Making him even more unstable in his own life becuase Dean does not think his life is worth more than John's

Shifts ENTIRE FUCKING NARRATIVE from a father-son story to a fraternal story. Lucifer no longer has a God to rebel against, only a brother to betray.